We're like a lot better than the average bears
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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