I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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