you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
