So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
