I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
