if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
