Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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