giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
