Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
