i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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