if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
