i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
