i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
