We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
