hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
