vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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