I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
