My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
