Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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