No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
