Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
