So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
