I got chris browned last night
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I fill condoms, not promises.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
