She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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