Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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