How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
