So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
