That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
