we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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