I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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