I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
