Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
