That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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