No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
