ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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