Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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