when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
