it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
