Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
