Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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