remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
