Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
