I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
