Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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