I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The air was thick with penises
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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