I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
