and you said cock pushups were impossible
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
