Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
