He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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