Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
