it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
