he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
